This is not good!
by Brilliant Genius Number 7
Summary: HUMOR equals MARAUDERS That is my definition. Enjoy my crazy ideas during spurts of hyperness. Not much romance but possibly some. Between James and Lily ofcoarse.
1. Ooh! a computer! Sirius how do you know

-1This story is for when me and my friend get all hyper. It's basically about the marauders… but they are kind of, nuts. Yea, so to find out more read on.

Sirius, Remus, and James had decided to go stop at Lily's house to pick her up so they could go to Hogwarts. She wasn't there, so they decided to go into her sisters room to cause trouble. And they found a computer. Remus was taking muggle classes so he knew what to do.

Remus- What do you want me to 'type in?'

Sirius- type in albino black sheep!

James- ….

Sirius- badgers ate the hamsters, so their better.

Remus- OOKAY….

James- how the heck did it work! (obliviously, they got on the site)

Remus- shrugs

Sirius- now search for badgers

Remus- alright…

James- it worked again! Sirius, did you do this before?

Sirius- badgers

Remus clicks first link and it loads, then through the speakers explodes a song. All the trio hears is the word badgers. It POSESSES them! POSESSES them! On the screen the badgers pop up out of no where and then they sing "mushroom mushroom!" then after two times of hearing that, a snake comes up and they hear, 'snake! A snake!"

Lily- "what are you guys doing?" -turns off computer

James- badgers…

Remus- badgers..

Sirius- BADGERS! HOLY HAMSTERS IN HEAVEN! THE BADGERS ARE COMING! THE BADGERS ARE COMING!

Lily- calm down Sirius, it will be ok.

James- badgers,

Remus- badgers!

James- mushroom,

Remus- mushroom!

James- snake!

Remus- A SNAKE!

Lily- what is wrong! Wake up! Wake up! shakes Remus and shakes James

Remus- Coming out of daze what?

Sirius- I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU ALL! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! I KNEW! I KNEW! BUT NO, NO! NO ONE WOULD LISTEN! I KNEW ONE DAY, ONE DAY, REMUS WOULDN'T KNOW SOMETHING! HA! HA! I LAUGH AT YOU ALL! ALL!

Lily- shut up, Sirius!

Sirius- mumbles- I told you too, Lily! I told you he would be dumbfounded one day!

Remus puts silent charm on Sirius

James- hafgadfhkhlkgjiertuyermnvb…

Ok, tell me what you think! I'll update when I'm hyper again! Find out what happened and why it didn't effect Sirius! R&R!


	2. i wanna buy this

**James, Sirius, and Remus go to a muggle toy store to buy a present for Sirius's cousin Sitrus.**

**This chapter was written by Special in the Head Gred and Forge's awesome bestest ever friend, Mayor of Toasterland.**

**1234567890**

Sirius: I have to get a gift for my cousin's brother-in-law's uncle's nephew's sister's best friend's niece's imaginary friend, Sitrus.

Remus: Why?

Sirius: because my mother told me not to and I hate her so I will go out of my way to disobey her. And I wanna see superman.

James: who's superman?

Sirius: I really don't know but I wanna see him.

Remus: so where do we find a present for your blah blah blah's imaginary friend?

Sirius: well, the imaginary friend is a 4 year-old muggle.

Remus: so let's go to a muggle toy store.

James: Toys are them!

Sirius: Toys are us!

Lily: _walks in _that's an actual place you know.

Sirius: _jumps up. _I get smart points! Where'd you come from?

James: I thought you and your dad had this discussion a long time ago.

Sirius: _looks at Lily. _You know the stork! Oh! Can I meet him?

Lily: never mind. You are such an idiot. Did anyone ever tell you that?

Sirius: Okay, okay. I know this is gonna shock all of you. But the answer is yes. The hamsters tell me that too.

Remus: That really doesn't surprise me at all.

Lily: Wow. I'm just gonna leave it at that.

James: so…about this muggle toy store….are we going?

Sirius: OH! YES! I wanna go! I wanna go!

Remus: Where is it?

Lily: OMG. Yeah, I'm gonna go with you guys so you don't end up killing someone or worse.

Sirius: What's the worst that could happen?

Lily: Do you really want me to answer that?

**1234567890**

_At toys-r-us_

Sirius: ooh! Pretty shiny colors!

James: wow…..

Lily: you guys sound like you're two.

Sirius: She make me cry! _starts crying like a two year old. _

James: it's okay pad foot. The mean red-headed lady won't hurt you anymore.

Lily/Remus: _snort._

Sirius: _sees a kid walking out with a bicycle. _I want one! _runs up to kid, steals the bicycle, and rides into the store. The kid starts crying. _

James: _runs after Sirius. _I wanna play too!

Lily: _to Remus. _Do you ever stop and think "Wow, I'm friends with these idiots."?

Remus: Occasionally. But then I just suppress it. Wait for me! _Runs after James and Sirius._

Lily: Wow. _Shrugs. Rolls eyes, follows._

Sirius: _crashes bicycle into cage of balls. The cage breaks and all the balls burst out. _AHHHHH! Lily they're hurting me!

Lily: and you expect me to help you? _walks over and starts talking to some bored-looking teenager. _

James: Hey! Mine! _grabs Lily's shoulder and pulls her back._

Lily: What the heck…..

James: I'll explain later.

Sirius: _finds way out of balls. Sees power wheels motorcycle. _OOHH! MINE! _jumps on the motorcycle and presses the pedal. Starts doing pop-a-wheelies. _Why can't it fly?

Lily: _pulls Sirius off. _When you get older, you can get your own motorcycle and enchant it to make it fly!

James:_ starts driving power wheels SUV. _WEEEE!

Lily:_ looks at Sirius. _I'll be back! Stay! _runs after James. _

James: _crashes into a giant pile of care bears. _MOMMY! _starts crying. _

Lily: Why am I surrounded by imbeciles? _runs over to where James is. _Want me to kiss it and make it better?

James: _perks up. _YES!

Lily: oh please, you're not two.

James: _looks crestfallen._

Remus: _leaning against a wall reading a book. Never taking eyes off book, says flatly: _Oh James, Sirius. Stop. Can't you see the madness you're causing?

Lily: apparently not.

James: _finds a James Bond action adventure set. _James Bond. James Bonder. James Botter. James Potter. Harry Potter. James Potter. Close enough. _starts unwrapping and playing with it. _

Lily: bad James! No!

James: _pulls out fake gun and starts pretending to shoot people. _I'm JAMES POTTER!

Lily: If you put the gun down, I'll kiss you.

James: _Stops. _Really?

Lily: _grabs gun from James' hand. _No.

James: _cries. _

Sirius: _picks up a price tag shaped like a hamster. Walks up to goth. _ I'd like to buy this.

Goth: I don't work here.

Sirius: God! But your wearing a uniform!

Goth: no I'm not.

Sirius: What is with you people and pretending not to be what you are so you can avoid helping me?

Goth:…

Sirius: Oh, so now you won't answer me! My emotional cup is just overflowing! I cant take this! I'm going to have a mental breakdown!

Goth: _runs away._

_Sirens are heard and police enter the store._

Mother of the bicycle kid: _points to Sirius. _Him! That's the man who stole Timmy's bike!

Sirius: Oh that kid?

Police: _start running towards Sirius. Guns raised._

Sirius: LILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! And what are those?

Lily: It's your own fault. And those are guns. _ponders this. Decides to add: _They kill people.

Sirius: REEEEEMMMUUUSSSSSSS! LILEEEEEE!JAMUS! HELP! CALL 919! THE PEASE EASE ARE GOING TO KILL ME WITH THEIR GUNS!

Remus: _Looks up from book for one second, looks back down. _

James:_ bouncing on bouncy ball. _ I am just another person. I do not know who this is or how they know me. And I don't know how his name is Sirius or how he's been knocking down everything. Or that we are both wiz_ Lily slaps her hand over his mouth before he can continue. _

Lily: I do not know these people. _runs away. _

_Police arrest Sirius after a car chase of Tonka trucks. _

Sirius: But I never got a present for Sitrus!

Remus: we'll get it for you before we pick you up at the police station.

Lily: _walks up to James, gives him kiss on cheek. Then gags. _That was for not killing anyone.

James: _Smiles and rubs his cheeks. _YAY!

Lily: You still never told me why you pulled me away from that guy.

James: Well…….let's go home!

**1234567890**

**So that is that. And a hat is a hat. Where da biddies at? Seriously where are they?**

**I will reward you a cookie if you review. So if you want a cookie, review.**


	3. a chapter of a llama

**This is a chapie of nonsense, llama's, lumberjacks, and bunnies. Have fun! Don't hurt yourselves! WARNING: randomness included.**

**$Gimme some money, fool!$ disclaimer: do I need to confess every chapie? ME NO OWN! WHY WOULD I BE EATING SOME PIE AT THE COMPUTER AT 6:55 AT NIGHT IF I DID?**

----------xxxxxxxSUGARMONKEYxxxxxxx

Peeps are in common room- Saturday 12:00-

James- I'M BORED!

Sirius: Who isn't?

Remus: _raises hand_

Sirius: How are you not bored!

Remus: _gestures to book_

Sirius/James: _rolls eyes and shrugs dramatically_

Lily: _randomly says words _Bookcase licorice wand steamy pigeon Harry Potter tree pie sweater Sims taffy murder laser swords Yoda Evil trail mix roses daises lumberjacks bunnies.

Sirius: _starts marching_ lumberjack lumberjack lumberjack! Hey lily what's a lumberjack?

James:_ starts hoping around the room _Bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny pancake bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny.

Sirius: _starts chasing James _Lumberjack kills bunny! _laughs maniacally_

James: NOOOOOO! _hops behind sofa_

Sirius:_ puts serious face on and stops chasing james _Why does Christmas only last 15 min.?

Lily: what are you talking about?

Sirius: well, you only take 15 min. to open the preasents!

Remus/Lily: _rolls eyes and shrugs_

James: _pops head up from behind sofa _Yea! It does only last 15 mins! After we open the presents at hog warts all we do is go up to our rooms and play with them!

Sirius: Let's all pray for Lily!…

James: WHY? Is she sick? _rushes over to Lily feels her forehead_

Sirius: And then think of ten good reasons why she won't live!

James/Remus/Lily: _hit, swat, and punch Sirius_

Sirius: Oww!

Lily: I'm leaving for tutering, _turns to remus_ kneel down!

Remus: …Why?

Lily: just do it! _Gets red in the face and glares at remus_

Remus:_ shrugs and gives in_

Lily: takes out light saber I dub thee, a babysitter master! Cuts off a piece of remuses hair

Remus: HEY!

Sirius/James: _snicker at remus_

Lily: Bye remus darling! I'll miss you!_ leaves_

James: puts on suspsious look What did she mean by DARLING?

Remus: it's just a joke james!

Sirius: shifty eyes or is it?

Remus: shrugs

James: HOW COULD YOU? Runs up to room

Sirius: look what you've done


	4. My Dream During Math Class

-1Me no own.

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Boys are at the mall

Remus: Why are we here?

Sirius: Jaine, the author, put us here!

James: shhh! Sirius! Don't say that!

Sirius: But she's MAKING me say it.

James: shut up!

Sirius: I can't!

James: (gags Sirius)

Sirius: mumble mumble…

Remus: Come on!

Remus/James/Sirius: turn into super hero's and fly around the food court

Sirius: spits out gag

Remus: I'm going to the book store.

James/Sirius: NO WAY! (Fake being surprised and look at each other stunned)

Remus: sticks his tong out

Sirius: very mature

Remus: the author made me do it.

James: funny, the Easter bunny is the one that made ME do it.

Sirius: (wags eyebrows up and down) what is it?

James: you're sick.

Sirius: no, I'm healthy!

James: of coarse you are.

Sirius: of coarse I am.

Remus: flies toward book store

Sirius: I'm hungry

James: you're ALWAYS hungry

Author (meh): it's because I make him be hungry

James: you're making me waste good money on his never ending stomach

Me: (uses great author powers to make James and Sirius bow down to me)

Me: muahahahahahahaha!

Sirius/James: All hail Jaine, the greatestest author in the world!

Me: takes over the world

Me: BOW DOWN TO ME!

Every one in the world… including you: All hail Jaine! She is great!

Me: Yes I am; I am great!

Me: makes every one worship me and serve me

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That was the dream I had in math today. I hope you had as much fun as I did imagining that. Tee hee hee. I'm not really like that in real life. I'm very modest. I only say that I'm the most bettererest personer in da universe.

I decided just now I'm going to put a word of the chapter from now on every chapter. Today's is… peanut butter.

Have fun with that knowledge.


	5. Walking across a road to get world peace

Don't own.

Sugar monkey Inc. 

Sirius, Remus, James and peter are walking across a suburban road. Why? Because Sirius wanted to egg some muggles houses. Then a car comes, slowly but it still is coming. Our heroes are in the middle of the road.

Sirius: What do we do?

James: I don't know.

Remus: RUN!

Sirius: but to which side of the road!

James: Yea, Remus. What side of the road is closer?

Remus: God damn it! Run!

Sirius: WHICH SIDE!

Remus: Any side you idiot!

James: but I read there's a specific side you run to! But muggles call it drive…

Remus: that's what the do to make their cars move! You steer you broom, yes?

Sirius/James: nods

Peter: shakes head no

Remus: Well that's what they call steering; driving.

Car is 20 feet away

Remus: drags James and Sirius to left side of the road

Peter: EEEEEK!

Peter: gets run over by a car.

Voldemort: Gets run over by a car

the world is HAPPY and FABULOUS 

The end

-Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

-Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

- Of the end -

That's all there is there isn't anymore.

At all.

Not really.

I'll finish later.

When I get a knew Idea…

So wait.

Gawd.

Patience please.

You can't rush A-R-T!

So there.

Beat that.

Or have fun trying.

I bet you can't beat it.

That's what I thought.

You can't have my light bulb.

runs away with light bulb

Good bye and good nighttttttttt.


	6. Eggs, kiwis, what's the difference?

-1Bwaah! They killed… dang. In my favorite TV show, they killed off the main character! I need to write now. My friends will prolly read this after I'm done complaining. Lol.

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The marauders are at the Hogsmead joke store when…

Sirius: What do you mean we don't get discounts?

James: We're discount getter members!

Remus: We shop here every weekend!

Sirius: And I went out with your daughter for a week so I could come here again!

(Silence)

James: That was this guy's daughter?

Sirius: You better believe it!

Remus: Just wow, Sirius. Just wow.

James: How did you get band from the joke store without us knowing it?

Sirius: Oh well I just kinda… ya know… tried to use one of the gender changing things on you guys… without… umm… paying for it.

Remus: Sirius you idiot!

James: You would do that to me mate?

Sirius: Hell yes!

Store owner: Ah-hmm.

Sirius: Can you guys even see yourselves as girls? Honestly, who wouldn't do that to their best mates?

Remus: Well, seeing as we don't get a discount…

James: Sirius! I thought we were tighter then that!

Sirius: I have freedom you know! This is a free country!

Remus: (to store owner) We are never coming back until we get our deserved member rights!

James: What the hell are you talking about Remus?

Remus: Do you even remember what we came here for?

Sirius/James: No.

Store owner: Fine! Get out of my store!

Sirius/Remus/James: Okay old timer

Sirius: I'm never taking your daughter out again!

James: You mean you were going to?

Sirius: No, she's as ugly as a horse or some other species yet to be discovered.

Remus: Let's go back to Hogwarts… there's nothing else to do today.

James: Let's egg the joke store!

Sirius: Okay!

Remus: Guys…

(Back at Hogwarts)

Sirius: I went to the kitchens and got some eggs.

Remus: Sirius, those are kiwis.

James: How did you get eggs mixed up with Kiwi's? You eat them all the time!

Sirius: Just because I eat them doesn't mean I look at them and analyze it until I know what fruit it is like moony does.

Remus: I just don't want to end up like you, eating marbles if you're slightly hungry.

James: Oh yea, that was last week!

Sirius: One of them had the distinct taste of grape.

Remus: Oh how lovely.

James: Are we going to kiwi a joke shop or what?

Remus: What ever.

Sirius: Lets goooooooooooooo!

(In front of joke shop)

Sirius: (throws kiwi)

Remus: You missed.

James: Yea, by a mile.

Sirius: No I didn't.

James: No seriously, you're facing the totally opposite direction!

Sirius: Oh, umm, I knew that.

Remus: (throws kiwi)

James: (throws Kiwi)

Store owner: You're such morons!

Sirius: (still facing wrong direction) No we're not!

Remus: Come on guys, this is really stupid.

James: (throws kiwi and hits store owner in the head)

Sirius: (throws kiwi and hits opposite houses window, and it breaks)

James/Sirius/Remus: (runs away)

Remus: What are we going to do about the damage we caused?

Sirius: I thought about that…

(Silence)

Sirius: What? Aren't I allowed to think?

James: no.

Sirius: Anyway, we just blame it on Peter.

Remus: Good thinking.

James: (covers ears) Lalalalala! No! This can't be happening! Lalalalala!

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The store owner was paranoid of kiwis from that moment on. And Peter lost a lot of money paying for the windows Sirius had broken. (To the opposite side of the street)

I no own. But I wish I did.


	7. Funetals atre weerd, or maybe it's me

Okies.. Here I go…

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter…or anyone else for that matter. I also do not own anyone from Grey's Anatomy, Toto, Star Wars Music, or light sabers. Only the plastic kind. If I owned any of these, I would be very rich, and not be eating cheesecake like a little hobo in front of my computer.

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So, the guys were at a funeral and….

Sirius: (Whispers) I'm sooooo bored!

Remus: Shhh!

Sirius: Moony!

James: the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round!

Sirius: the wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town!

Remus: puts head in hands

James: the driver on the bus says move on back, move on back, move on back!

Sirius: the driver on the bus says move on back all through the town!

James: the babies on the bus go wah wah wah, wah wah wah, wah wah wah!

Sirius: The babies on the bus go wah wah wah, all through the town!

James: the mommies on the bus go shh shh shh, shh shh shh, shh shh shh!

Sirius: the mommies on the bus go shh shh shh, all through the town!

James: the daddies on the bus go read read read, read read read, read read read!

Sirius: the daddies on the bus go read read read, all through the town!

Remus: the Professor on the bus says please be quite, please be quite, please be quite!

Sirius: the students on the bus go NO NO NO! stands up and tap dances in the middle of mass on the bench he was sitting on All through the town!

Mourning friends/family: glare at Sirius

Sirius: I'M SO SORRY!

Remus: pulls Sirius back into the seat

After a few seconds, Sirius is bored again.

Sirius: I'm bored!

James: I've got a joke for you… gives Remus a side glance… but remus can't hear, okay padfoot?

Sirius: Is it that dirty?

James: fiendish look YESSS!

Sirius: Ooh! Details, girlfriend, details!

James: whispers joke in Sirius's ear just as the close friends and family go up to see the body

Sirius: starts laughing really loudly

Everyone else: Glare at Sirius again

Sirius: WHAT? I said I was sorry!

Everyone else: turn back grumbling

Sirius: Looks outside and sees a clown disco dancing. Gets up and does a heroic stance I'll be right back! Skips off giggling like a little girl

James: Looks outside HOLY COW!

Everyone: Looks back at him

James: Sirius is disco dancing with a clown!

Remus: I swear, people are going to drive me to insanity. Come to think of it, do we even know who this funeral is for?

James: No. We came for the free food. DUH!

Remus: We did? You guys told me this was Sirius's grandma's first cousin four times removed best friend's godmother's grandfather's imaginary friend's fried chicken's birthday party planner's…oh my God…I believed you…

Sirius: Gets thrown through the window by a giant teddy bear The platypuses are coming!

Platypuses: No we're not evil! We're so cute and cuddly and we won't hurt you! Everyone goes and hugs a platypus and everyone hugging a platypus gets stabbed

James: Oh, the platypuses, you betrayed us.

Sirius: I warned you! Does a ostrich call.

Ostriches: Come and stick heads in ground. Platypuses kill them too

Sirius: NO! My faithful flutters!

Burke (from Grey's Anatomy): Runs in I don't think we're in Seattle anymore. Toto runs in Come Toto, come.

Sirius: Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

Burke: I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy. I'm the doctor who's going to do the autopsy.

James: That's nice. Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

Burke: I don't know…but I'm not a lonely doctor…I have a girlfriend. And I work with this lady and she's evil and she has red hair.

Sirius: Voldemort has red hair! Maybe we're fighting the same guy…

James: Doctors and wizards unite!

Sirius: Punches hand in air and hit's a platypus Yeah!

Burke: Okay…I'm gonna go that autopsy now…

Meanwhile, at the platypuses headquarters:

Platypus leader: They seem to have forgotten us in their little conversation….things. I think now would be a good time to attack them with our weapon of mass destruction…things. They will not notice us marching in with our troop…things.

Little Platypus: How will they not see us captain?

Platypus Leader: They'll be too busy fooling around with their autopsy…things.

Back to the autopsy:

Remus: At least there's another intelligent being here…

Burke: SAY WHAT?

Shady figure: Comes and stands next to Remus

Remus: MUHH! Jumps away like a rabbit

Shady Figure: Pulls down hood. It's Cristina Are you smart?

Remus: Yes.

Burke: It's Cristina! My girlfriend! Starts skipping down path to meet Cristina

Cristina: Meredith! Get him!

Meredith: Starts break dancing right in front of Burke

Burke: Oh! Breakdancing!

Cristina: Tries to pull Remus into van UHH! Tugs on his sleeve but he doesn't move

Remus: Aw, you're so cute and little! Pats her on the head

Cristina: Yeah, well you're just too tall! Smacks him across the face Izzie! Help me!

Izzie: Comes over and starts pushing while Cristina pulls. Knocks Remus over and he lands on Cristina

Cristina: Flails under Remus EW! Cooties! Wizards have cooties!

Burke: Cristina's having a seizure! Walks over to help

Meredith: No! Starts jumping up and down in front of Burke, flailing her arms

Burke: Are you having a seizure too?

Izzie: Alex! Help us!

Alex: Jumps out of van and runs over and shoves Remus off Cristina. Picks Remus up with one hand and puts him in the van All is well in the merry old land of…where are we? You guys told me we were going to Izzie's apartment…to play…Scrabble!

Cristina: Yeah, Izzie doesn't have an apartment. She's Meredith's roommate. Stupid!

Meredith: Guys! We should go before…too late.

Addison: Walks in with her pitchfork Well, well, well. Let's see. This must be the convention of people I am going to kill!

Sirius: Wait…that's not Voldemort! You guys lied to us!

Cristina: Yeah we never said it was…you lied to yourself idiot.

Cristina, Meredith, Alex, and Izzie jump in van and start driving. They "accidentally" run over Addison while driving away.

Voice on loudspeaker: Dr Burke to autopsy! Dr. Burke to autopsy!

Burke: I'm on it! Pulls out light saber and starts running to Star Wars music. Kills androids while going to autopsy. Takes five minutes to do autopsy He was killed by magic!

Everyone (even dead people killed by platypuses): We all know that!

James: the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round!

Sirius: the wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town!

James: the driver on the bus says move on back, move on back, move on back!

Sirius: the driver on the bus says move on back all through the town!

James: the babies on the bus go wah wah wah, wah wah wah, wah wah wah!

Sirius: The babies on the bus go wah wah wah, all through the town!

James: the mommies on the bus go shh shh shh, shh shh shh, shh shh shh!

Sirius: the mommies on the bus go shh shh shh, all through the town!

James: the daddies on the bus go read read read, read read read, read read read!

Sirius: the daddies on the bus go read read read, all through the town!

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That is that and a bat is a wooden object used to swing at people's heads. Or less popularly, at a baseball.

Special thanks to Jesserbelle, for typing this while I talked.


	8. Easter Bunny problems part 1

-1Soooooo it's Easter at Hogwarts and….

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Sirius has decided, since not many people are here and it's boring during Easter break, to become the Easter bunny. James has gone home, so it's only him and Remus.

Sirius: You're my new trainer, Remus.

Remus: devilish smile okay…

Sirius: so… what do I do first?

Remus: well, first you must determine an egg from a kiwi.

Sirius: o I studied that!

Silence.

Sirius: the egg is the smooth white one that chickens poop right?

Remus: Riiiight.

Sirius: okay, what nooooow?

Remus: now you must learn how to summon eggs without breaking them.

Sirius: summons egg

Egg: Falls on the floor

Sirius: Ha Ha! Your guts fell out!

Remus: oi…

Sirius: Why don't you just summon them and give me one huge basket to carry them in!

Remus: that might work. Gets basket, summons eggs

Sirius: Yay! jumps for joy

Remus: Okay, now pick up the basket.

Sirius: Shame on you Remus!

Remus: alarmed What?

Sirius: Your trying to make me do all the work aren't you? You wanted to be the Easter bunny!

Remus: but Sirius, that was…

Sirius: NO BUTS!

Remus: but…

Sirius: Lalalalalalalalalalala!

Remus: sigh okay, I'll carry the basket.

Sirius: good Easter bunny.

Remus: No but…

Sirius: lalalalala!

Remus: picks up basket

Sirius: okay, now go hide them.

Remus: Sirius!

Sirius: lalalalala!

Remus spent the whole after noon hiding eggs.

Sirius: sitting in lawn chair watching the 1st years look for eggs

Remus: panting

Sirius: I did a fantastic job, didn't I?

Remus: What? Sirius I was the one who…

Sirius: lalalalala!

Remus: but…

Sirius: Remus, I know your jealous that I am so fantastic and did all the work, you can't take credit.

Remus: sighs I'm going to sleep.

Sirius: Remus! But I have reports I must finish!

Remus: goes insane I can't help with the homework because I'm the Easter bunny! starts hopping in circles, foaming at the mouth.

Sirius: no your not silly!

Remus: insane guy laugh oh yes I am! digs hole in the ground

Sirius: what are you doing?

Remus: I'm digging my burrow, all bunny's have burrows! jumps into hole and lies down.

Sirius: walks slowly over to Remus lets get you inside now…

Remus: Hisses at Sirius

Sirius: Fine! This isn't working out anymore Remus! runs inside

Remus: falls asleep in hole it starts to rain

END


	9. Idioms

Oh, this is a story of idioms Sirius just doesn't get.

And I don't own.

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So the crew was in the common room… (Katie too!)

Sirius: What is an idiom?

James: Yea, I don't get those either.

Remus: Well it's…

Sirius: looks out window Whoa! It's raining Cats and dogs!

James: Well, that was out of the blue.

Katie: You guys are two peas in a pod.

Lily: Go on Remus; take this bull by the horns.

Remus: mouth drops open

Sirius: What's wrong? Cat got your tongue? Frog in your throat?

Lily: Sirius, you're a complete idiot.

Katie: Hey, Don't through the book at my boyfriend!

Lily: puts hands up defensively that's no reason to go off the deep end, we all know it's true!

Sirius: Well Lily, we just don't see eye too eye.

James: See, Sirius can keep his head.

Katie: I still think Lily's being harsh.

Lily: Harsh? Don't you see what's going on? We're all using idioms! Didn't Sirius just ask about that?

Katie: Your boyfriend did too!

Lily: Blushes He's not my boyfriend!

Katie: O, sure he isn't. whispering I see the love struck looks you give him!

Lily: I don't give him love struck looks!

Katie: I get it! Jokingly When it comes to James, you can dish it out but you can't take it?

James: oh, how I wish I could stir up Lily's feelings enough to be her boyfriend… sigh

Sirius: Oh, don't worry. You'll get the fringe benefit of being a Marauder soon enough.

James: What's the fringe benefit?

Sirius: Getting any girl you want, of coarse.

Katie: You didn't get me that easily. Remember when you got on my nerves in the Great Hall and I threw mashed potatoes on your head?

Sirius: How could I forget? Smiles It resulted in 2 weeks of the best detentions I ever had.

Katie: Blushes

Lily: snickers

Remus: May I cut into this lovely conversation now?

Sirius: You may if you eat the lamp over there.

Silence

Lily: see? He might as well have put his foot in his mouth!

James: Is that what you want Lily? A man who can put his foot in his mouth?

Lily: James, I only ment…

James: Cause I can do that! I can do that better then any male in Hogwarts!

Lily: I'm sure you can but…

Sirius: lalalalala! Go ahead James! Show us what your made of!

James: struggling to put his foot in his mouth

Lily: I think I'm going to go drop in on… Fred.

Sirius: Fred can wait. Come on! Stick around! You must see first hand the man who put his WHOLE foot in his mouth!

Lily: well umm… since fred can wait, I'll brush up on my studies!

Sirius: that can wait too.

Remus: and besides Lily, you've already done that twice today.

Katie: You all knock it off; I want to watch this. He's almost got it all in!

Lily: sits down and sighs

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Now that's my kind of cliffy! See you soon!


	10. Remus's night Out

**Remus's night out…as a werewolf.**

Sirius: You want a puppy treat? YOU want a puppy treat?

Remus: snaps at him

Sirius: Aw, you're such a cute little puppy aren't you? Let's get your leash on!

James: Are you sure this is one of your smarter ideas?

Sirius: Are you sure I've had smart ideas?

Burke: comes out of nowhere I used to be smart…OH WELL!

Cristina: comes and throws him in van and drives away

Sirius: Okay…backs away slowly

James: Shouldn't we get the leash on Remus now? Aren't we gonna take him into town? Why are we taking him into town again?

Sirius: We wanna debut him as our new doggy-woggy. And why are you asking so many questions!

James: Umm…

Sirius: Tell no lies! I do like Play-Doh!

James: Yeah…about that…

Sirius: No, you sut up.

James: Why should I shut up? You're the one who keeps talking!

Sirius: No, you sut up.

James: I am an intelligent bee sting! No, I shall not shut up!

Lily: This would be why I cut myself at night.

Sirius: pointing How do you do that?

Lily: Do what?

Sirius: Just like, pop up out of nowhere when I'm about to do something important!

Lily: What could you possibly do that's important? looks at Remus Why is a… What are you…? What the heck?

James: I love how you stutter in shock… sigh

Sirius: This is no time for that James. Let's go.

Lily: Whoa, Whoa. Wait a second, are you gonna do the incredibly stupid thing I think your going to do?

Sirius: Don't spoil it for the readers!

James: I think it's already been spoiled for them. The title only says, **"Remus's night out… As a werewolf!"**

Sirius: No, you sut up.

Remus: growls

Lily: I think you better turn into a dog yourself Sirius; Remus is getting angry!

Sirius: Looks at Remus Lily, you better get out of here.

James: Yea.

Lily: Fine! I see when I'm not wanted!

James: I WANT YOU!

Sirius: Too late. She's already gone… badger.

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Back up in the girls' dorm room… badger…

Lily's thoughts

_Oh, Sirius was so heroic, yet stupid, back there._

_I remember the fierceness in his eyes and expression when he said, "Lily, you better get out of here."_

_LILY! HOW CAN YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR AN IDIOT LIKE SIRIUS?_

_He's not an idiot all the time! Remember what he said back there?_

_Remember Katie? HIS GIRLFRIEND! Who by the way is your BEST friend! And what about James?_

_What about James? He is of no importance to me what so ever._

_I know that. But would you be able to live with the guilt after he commits suicide?_

_Yes._

_Your evil._

_Your part of me._

_But I'm not the evil part. I'm your conscious,_

_Liar!_

_I'm not lieing! _

_Are too!_

_Are not!_

_Are too!_

_Are not!_

_Are not!_

_ARE NOT! _

_Whatever. I don't care at all about what you say moron._

…

Katie: What's wrong?

Lily: NOTHING!

Katie: Okay!


	11. Comercialized picnic

Hey! It's been a while. Yeah, I've been a lazy girl. I'm sorry.

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Sirius: How many times in this story have I been bored?

James: What?

Sirius: Never mind.

Remus: I'm hungry.

Sirius: I have another idea!

James: AHHHHHH!

Remus: What is it Sirius?

Sirius: Why don't we have a picnic?

James: Stop having ideas it isn't like you!

Sirius: Badgers.

Lily: I am going to come just so you don't harass the little animals on the way.

Sirius: -Pouts-

Remus: No one trusts me anymore.

Lily: You didn't help at the mall.

Remus: I was reading a good book.

Lilly: You finished that book the day before.

James: Lily is so smart!

Sirius: Let me guess, your going to sigh now.

James: No you sut up.

Katie: -Tackle/glomps Sirius- I wanna come too!

Lily: We'll make lunch.

Remus: We'll find a spot to eat.

**-About 15 min later by the lake-**

The guys are just sitting there when …

James: Holy crap is that a tiny UFO?

Remus: OMG!

Sirius: Oh that fat Chinese god named the BUDDHA!

**The tiny UFO starts to glow!**

_And out come…_

**WHAM!**

The lunchables kids have arrived!

Kid 1: Do you want some exciting lunch?

Sirius: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

James: Who are you people... things!

Kid2: We are the lunchables team!

Chester cheetah: Do you happen to know where the Cheetos stolen recipe is?

Lily: What the heck?

Katie: YAY! -Hugs Chester-

Sirius: Hey you stupid cheetah! You trying to steel my woman?

Chester: Wha?

Sirius: -Attacks Chester-

Katie: Oh no!

Kid3: Want to get an exciting lunch?

Lily: -Punches kid- Is my food not good enough for you lunchables kids?

Kid1: Nope! It's fine! We'll be going now… BYE!

Sirius: Don't you ever touch Katie again!

Katie: Moooo!

Silence

Katie: It was an impulse.

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I own nothing but a few peoples souls...


	12. Potatohead is dead

Greetings. I am snape, the potiions masta of grillz.

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(Jess gets creative reign! Meaning Jesserbelle. MWAHAHAHAHA! But Jaine/BrilliantGeniusNumber7 helpssssss…I'm a snake!)

_Our amazingly handsome and daring and beautiful and charming and smart and sexier than spider monkeys _**--SIRIUS QUIT TOUCHING THE KEYBOARD IT'S MY TURN! **_ANYWAY…they were…attempting to fly on breadsticks (from olive garden, in case you were wondering) …and needless to say, wasn't working. _

_The thunderclouds rolled in like gods on giant chariots drawn by electric horses whose hooves pounded the sky mercilessly. _

Sirius: Oooh! The author's getting serious.

_No I'm not sut up!_

Sirius: The clouds…they are taunting me with their laughs of laughness. I must seek shelter with a woman…_Katie appears_

Katie: Need me?

Sirius: Possibly…I was thinking more along the lines of that poster in my room, but I guess you'd work too.

Katie: What do you mean 'poster in your room'?!

Sirius: You know the one with the girl…and the emu….and the strawberry flavored cool whip…

Katie: You mean the one of your mom at the petting zoo?

Sirius: Yeah…that's the one.

James: OH EW! What was she doing with the cool whip?

Sirius: Defacing the emu. She said he was dirty.

James: Ahh…I see…

Katie: ANYWAY…why would rather have the poster?

Sirius: Because…the platypus flying above…brings back memories…plus he looks like he's about to eat my mom.

Clouds: BOOM CHAKALAKALAKA MAKE IT RAIN! BOOM CLAPARAPATAPA!

Sirius: THE LIFE OF MINE IS NOT A HAPPY ONE!

Katie: Well…then…let's see if we can make it any better inside.

James: I hope you're not talking about me cause um…I am no parabola.

Sirius: What?

James: ALGEBRA…which is? What? Does it have anything to do with algae? Or bras? Or both?

Sirius: ALRIGHT! We must start beating the bush! _Receives confused/dirty seductive looks. _YOU KNOW! Rather than beating AROUND it!

Some ugly guy: Right-o!

Sirius: So Katie's coming with me, James stay by the lake…and Mr. Muffins…

Mr. Muffins: Yes?

Sirius: You bake those muffins! You bake them good! _Leaves with Katie_

James: So alone…I shall go sit by the lake and ponder while it rains…

Mr Muffins: You make me want to take a bite out of you when you're all wet like that…

James: NO! I will not give into you! _Goes and sits by lake. Mr. Muffins runs away in tears…but you can't tell because it's raining. Honestly, he wouldn't let you see him cry! I mean, he's preaching that muffins make you happy, he always has muffins he can't cry! Not the point…back to the story…_

Cat: MEOW!

Giant Squid: You, cat, shall be mine. Meow meow.

James: OH EM GEEE! The potato head is in trouble! _Dives into the water after the cat, whom he thinks is Mrs. Potatohead's cousin. _I'll save you Mary Jane! Or…Francis is it? Never mind it's not important…_grabs cat away from squid._

Squid: I'll get you James! And your little cccctat too!

James: What? You're not a potato?

Lily: _Comes to get James so he won't be struck by lightning and she would held responsible, because she is his nanny, though she's two months younger ( I MADE THAT UP! DON'T SHOOT ME! I'M TOO PRETTY!) _James! You saved a cat!

James: No! I am the cat! _Growls like a tiger. (IN case you were wondering, Jess just said she made an STD instead of a tampon…I mean typo. CHLAMYDIA!)_

Lily: That's so heroic! And awesome! And manly! And…sexy…I LOVE YOU!

James: _one of those noises a dying animal makes out of shock. _

Lily: (Jaine has brain fart! Dang!)

James: If I had known that I would have rescued the potato a long time ago!

Lily: Potato?

James: I mean ADORABLE creature that is this cat.

Cat: _turns into McGonagall. _ You thought I was a potato?!

Lily: And I'm over it! (or maybe not? Says inner voice that is really…me…hah…who is me?)

McGonagall: Why are you out in the rain anyway?

James: Well, you see the author…(author signals that James will be written out if he doesn't shut his HERPES mouth) I like….the rain…that's why I'm here. I like it.

Mr. Muffins: He likes it. He likes it a lot.

James: Not that much…

McGonagall: ANYWAY…inside. Now…Or I'll eat you.

James: Wait…Why were you in the lake with the squid?

McGonagall: No reason…nothing important…especially not anything to do with my sexual preferences, which are none of your business and which I am not talking to you about in fact I didn't even say this you just imagined it!

James: Oh no you're not a prostitute are you? _gasps._

McGonagall: Go inside.


	13. McDonagall's: We Know You're loving it

Aight pimps and hos. We are here to paint your toes! Meaning Jess and Jaine are going to tell a story. Again. And you will laugh and be amused or be hurt. No, we're just kidding. Laugh if you wish. Or stop reading. We aren't dictators. Taters! Tater tots! WOOOOOT!

ON WITH THE SHOW.

Disclaimer: We own nothing but our pants...the shirts are borrowed.

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This chapter is the terrifying tale of McDonagall's. Lily and James may grow closer, but probably not. They are not bamboo! Remus may be in this one...last time he was...dead to me...sorta...or you know I forgot him and his HONKING(long story).

Alright. Sit back, keep body parts and belongings inside the window at all times. And we hope you enjoy this. If you fear you are going to die, scream JAINE AND JESS ARE THE BESTEST IN THE WORLD! and we'll be there..on the next train...possibly with doughnuts. If you don't like doughnuts, we'll give you an invisible cookie.

1246899---------------------------------------------------------------------------hi------------------------------------byessssssssp

James: _Walking innocently down a hallway. _

SIrius: Since when does that happen? I've got an idea!

James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not you too! Tell me you didn't use the thinking grenades...

Sirius: Maybe...Let's go to McDonagall's!

James: What's McDonagall's?

Sirius: You know, that restaurant McGongall opened up, McDonagall's. It's right on campus.

James: What's campus?

Sirius: I think it has to do with camping...

James: Well where is this McDonagall's?

Sirius: Somewhere on the grounds. Not sure where...but we'll see. Let's use our SPECIAL(Is there any way I can make this word sparkle?) MAP!

James: OK! _Pulls out the SPECIAL(sparkles) MAP_. It's right over there! _Points to building not far to the right. _

Sirius: Let's go! I wanna play in the play place! That's filled with grease from the other...kids...students...assholes...playing in it.

Remus: So you're calling yourself a kid-student-asshole?

Sirius: Remus, you are my daughter you son of a bitch!

Remus: WOW. That made so much sense it hurt.

Mr. Muffins: It's hard to argue when you won't stop making sense!

James: _punches him out. _ Where do all of these random people come from anyway? _Shows portal. The bananas in pajamas enter followed by gumby. _Oh.

Sirius: Well come on! Let's go to McDonagall's!

Lily: Sir-i-pus! That place has a lot of bad food! If you eat there more than twice a week, you'll become fat like those Americans (special note: Don't take this offensively. Jess and Jaine are from America. We just like to make fun of ourselves. Haha we suck!)

Sirius: SO?! Your point? You won't love me if I've got a little extra?!

Lily: Yes. I mean, jeez your so stupid! If it wasn't for your hot bod I wouldn't hang around with you!

Remus: Me neither.

Katie: HEY HEY HEY!!!

Fat Albert: _comes through portal. _You using my line BITSNACK?

Katie: NO.

Remus: I like men.

SIrius: That's very nice.

Remus: Wow...I thought mayeb if I said that I'd get some attention, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not even from Mr. Muffins! I should become emo.

Sirius: I wish this grass was emo, cause then it'd cut itself.

(Note: jaine is trying to convince Jess to eat sushi. I won't do it! Maybe...)

(Note: Jess is holding the sushi, it's been like... 15 minutes now...and she's still smelling it, licking it, listening to it... feeling it... to decide whether or not to eat it.)

(Note: Jess will try the sushi, but first Jaine must get her some water.)

(Note: Jess thought the sushi tasted like salty rice...but ate it.)

(Note: Sushi rocks Jaines world!!)

_After two hours, they finally made it to McDonagall's._

Sirius: This place is awesome! Can I live here?

McGonagall: NO! Now get your food and get out of my drive through!

James: But...no one does this...drive...electronics don't work here...

McGonagall: Actually, that was a lie we told you all so you wouldn't try to bring a cell phone. Now leave!

Lily: _Pulls out cell phone._ Oh yeah mom, the reception up here is GREAT!

_Sirius and James are in AWE._

James: You're communicating with your maternal parent without using an owl?

Lily: Yeah! What of it? This is how I live.

Remus: It is. I would know. _Hides his binoculars._

(Note: Jess just spilled cold water on her crotch, fell backwards, and Jaine blinked and missed it all.)

_Inside McDonagall's, in teh play place._

Sirius: Lily I gotta go!

Lily: What do you want me to do?

Sirius: Bring me potty!

Lily: I'm not taking you into a girl's bathroom! Get James to do it!

James: _Busy staring at Lily. Remus must go with him._

_Remus and Sirius are in the bathroom. There is an odd hand sticking out of the one toilet._

Remus: Sirius, I know what you're thinking. Don't do it.

Sirius: _Walks casually up, shakes the hand, then turns into a dog and pees on Remus's shoes._

Remus: Why did you want to go the bathroom if you could've just done that?

Sirius: Well, these guys were talking about this sweet hand in the toilet at McDonagall's. They said they'd give me money if I shook it, and to get someone as a witness so I took you.

Hand: _Reaches up and strangles Remus to death._

Sirius: Oh my gawd, it killed Remus! _Leaves the bathroom._ Bye sweetums! Have fun with your hand!

GIrls outside the bathroom: EWWW!!!

(Note: Sorry we're doing a lot of Remus dissing, but someone must be the butt of every joke.)

_Back in the McDonagall's ballpit. _

_Sirius, James, Lily, and Katie swim to the bottom and find a city of dwarves. _

Dwarf: Welcome! We are preparing for war! On...you!

Sirius: Whhhhhhhhhaat?

Dwarf: You built this thing _points to McDonagall's_ and it led to all of this! _Points to trash in dwarf city._

James: Dude...sorry...can we swim back up now? I"m getting antsy!

Dwarf: NO! You must help us prepare! We need a flask of water from the giant well to get rid of this atrocity!

Sirius: No way! I will not help you destroy McDonagall's!

Lily: Do it.

James: Ok.

SIrius: WHY?

Katie: _Gives huge twenty minute speech about the environment and global warming and the greasy food of McDonagall's and how it's going to turn them all into fat lazy slobs._

Sirius: Suddenly I see! Not really, but since Katie said it must be right! Let's go!

_It takes them a total of like, three seconds to get the flask of water and then they are rocketed back to the surface of the ball pit. _

Sirius: It's been a long day. With all this talk of the earth and global warming, and hippos, an whales, and pigeons, and pole dancing, and dwarves, and wells, and hookers..

Lily: Wait, when did you hear about hookers and pole dancing?

James: You didn't really look at McGonagall, did you?

Katie: Let's go get some subway!


	14. Around the World in 1 million years

ponies and lamps and PANTRIES i do not own

* * *

Sirius: Being confined in this one place for so long is driving me insaner than usual. -laughs manically- I CHALLENGE YOU TO A RACE AROUN THE WORLD! Remus is on my team.

James: I get Lily! -Grabs her possesively-

Lily: I'm only going to see Zimbabwe. And to make sure you don't kill the Zimbabweans.

Remus: Okay, here are the rules; No chocolate after bed time,

Everyone: AWWW!

Remus: No apperating, only brooms. And you must bring a souveneir back from every country you go to.

Sirius: ANYTHING!?

Remus: No, you can't bring back the magic elevator from Micheal Jackson's chocolate factory. The oompaloompa's will decapitate you in your sleep. Trust me, that's how my mom died.

Lily: Who would be stupid enough to try to and steal the elevator anyway?

Remus: MY MOTHER! bursts into flames

James: OOOH! BURRRRRN!

Katie: He's almost as hot as you Sirius!

Sirius: NEVERZZZ

Katie: I'm on your team

Sirius: YOU CAN'T BE! NO WOMEN!

Lily: EXCUSE ME?

Katie: WHY NOT?

Sirius: Lily counts as a man!

Lily: Thanks...

Sirius: You're just so macho and you scare me...I respect you, man

Lily: Don't call me man. Call me mama.

Sirius: THat word has been forbidden to me. Please try again.

Lily: Call me...LALiQUA!

Sirius: That'll do.

Remus: covered in ash CAN WE GO YET?

**THIS RACE AROUND THE WORLD IS SPONSORED IN PART BY: MCDONAGALL'S;WE KNOW YOU'RE LOVING IT**

Lily: hops on James back GO PONY GO! he falls over YOU ARE WEAK!

James: gets on broom HOP ON! COME WITH ME IF YOU WISH TO LIVE!

Lily: You better have a map.

James: I have a keen sense of direction. And the map is in my (dora music) BACPACK BACKPACK!

Dora the explorer: QUIT USING MUH WORDS OR I'M A YOUR

Lily: GOOOOO! james goes

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Remus: Alright we should probably start moving now!

Sirius: turns into a half snail I'm comin...I'm a comin...

Remus: GET ON!

Sirius: It? Um...if youyo insists...

Remus: Alright...

Sirius: I'm planning on getting some garters and panties from every country...what do you think?

Remus: That those eskimos are prudes and you're going to have your work cut out for you.

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Lily: James, I don't think he wants to come with us.

James: Aw, but I love this old mexican guy! Look at his ass! points at donkey

Lily: James, for the last time, we're in Morocco, and that guy wants to kill you. Just like the easter bunny...

James: heaves a great sigh FINE! steals the guy's sombrero and hops back on broom, gives donkey the carrot

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Sirius: I met a cortesan in Japan who had connections with a scientist and he enlarged my sperm! Now I have a pet SPERMY to ride! Come, Semus, let's go! sperm flies

Remus: That is disgusting.

Sirius: You're hurting Semus's feelings! It's ok, Remus doesn't mean it, it's his time of the month!

Remus: I'm feeling fragile...

Katie: out of nowhere I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO WOMEN! What's with the sperm?

Sirius: Remus is a hermaphrodite, thank you very much!

Semus: eats REmus

SIrius: Oh, dang!

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Lily and James in Zimbabwe

Lily: HELP ME GET THE click click GIRAFFE into the click click CAR!

James: eats a sandwich, made of people, but he doesn't know it I CAN"T DOclickity click clack EVERYTHING AT ONCE LILY! I CAN'T MAKE YOUR BABIES AND GET THE click GIRAFFE in the click click CAR AT THE SAME Time!

Lily: WHO SAYS YOU'RE MAKING MY BABIES!

Jaine and Jess: AHEM clears throat GOD.

Lily: Oh...WAIT A MINUTE! GET THAT TURKEY BASTER AWAY FROM ME!

Random Zimbabwean: CLICK CLICK chokes on something.

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Sirius: My partner is dead..can I have HERPES one of those awesome hats?

Russian: YOu'll have to kill me for it!

Sirius: Okay...Semussss!

Semus: eats russian

Sirius: picks up hat YAY! puts it on Semus RIDE SPERMY RIDE!

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BOTH TEAMS ARRIVE AT JAINE's house in WE'LL NEVER TELL WHERE! New Jersey.

Sirius: I get the asian one!

James: I'll take the blonde!

Lily: What is with you and BLONDES?

Jess: You have red hair. STOP CRUSHING MY DREAMS!

Sirius: Okay get on the SEMUS!

Jaine: You mean the GIANT SPERM?

Sirius: If we're going to get technical, yes.

Jaine: ALRIGHT! gets on Semus

James: You get on the click giraffe now!

Jess: hops on giraffe I DEMAND A COOKIE!

Lily: hands cookie HAPPY BLONDIE?!

James: Why do you have those at all times?

Lily: Are you questioning my diet?

Jess: LET"S GOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jaine: plays with Semus Fetch the hat Semus, fetch!

Semus: rolls over and giggles...can sperm do that? Well..they can now...

Sirius: To Jaine: Can I have some of your panties?

Jaine: If that means will I come with you...sure...

James: WHATEVER...FIRST ONE HOME WINS!

Sirius: RUN LIKE THE WIND SEMUS! Or um, fly.

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It was a tie. But in all fairness, Semus was the most awesome thing they got. Jaine and Jess demanded hugs and email addresses before leaving, even though Lily was the only one that had one. They abandoned her to explain what an email address was, and soon returned to Russia to fetch Remus's body, which Sirius left on the glacier. Jaine hugged Semus goodbye, and promised to bring him more treats. Jess branded James on the shoulder, and said "YOU ARE MINE NOW!"Lily just laughed.

THE END...of this chapter...

REVIEW OR I"LL KILL YOU! And your muffin...


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